Herman raced home from Madame Assoud's Manor of Magic eager to test out his purchase. Would the wand really do what the old lady had promised? Would it really make things vanish?

Slowly, very slowly, he lifted the beautiful sparkly wand from the bag. Oh yeah, it certainly looked magical, but looks weren't fact.

He strode across the room and paused in front of the remains of his previous evening's pizza and beer dinner. No better place to test it than on this mess. "Raise the wand high," Madame Assoud had advised. "Raise the wand high, think believing thoughts, and give it a wave."

"Oh, I believe, all right," Herman said. "I believe, I believe, I believe." He took a deep breath, then raised the wand and waved. Poof! Pizza crusts and beer cans disappeared. So, unfortunately, did the dining table. Uh-oh. Next time he'd make his wave a little smaller.    

But what could be the next time? What else should he try it on? What, oh what, oh what? Several prints on his living room wall caught his eye, especially the one that had been a gift from Maxine, his ex-girlfriend. "So she thinks I'm a loser, does she?" Herman muttered. "Ha! I'll lose this ugly picture, that's what I'll do." Herman stood before the picture of an ocean scene and waved the wand in a tiny arc. The print disappeared. "Yeah!" Herman danced around the room, laughing.

Herman headed outside to the tiny back garden. Maxine had planted a few lettuce and tomato plants there. "Take that," Herman yelled, waving the wand. The plants vanished.

"And you weeds – you're going, too!" Herman yelled, waving the wand again, "Yeah, this is fun!"

"What's fun?" asked a voice.

Uh-oh. Bernie. His nosy and altogether unlikable next-door neighbor.

"Weeding," Herman answered, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Weeding?" Bernie stared. "Are you nuts, Herm?"

Herman flushed. He hated being called Herm.

Bernie went on. "What's that in your hand? That stick?"

"Oh, uh, nothing," Herman said.

"Doesn't look like nothing to me," Bernie said. And he yanked the wand from Herman's grasp before Herman could react.

"Hey," Herman cried. "Give it back."

Bernie, being much bigger than Herman, just shoved him away. "So it's not really a nothing, huh? In fact, maybe it's really a something. Something valuable." He raised the wand in the air and Herman ducked as Barney swung it.

Whew! He was still OK, still all there. But Bernie ... What was Bernie staring at? Herman turned around. The two planters of blooming petunias and daisies beside his garden had vanished! He spun back, quickly grabbed the wand out of the still dazed Bernie's hand, and took several steps backwards.

"I don't believe it," Bernie said. "All I did was wave that stick and  — " A mean look came into his eyes, and he advanced menacingly. "I want that stick, Herm. You hear me? I want it."

Herman knew he could never allow that. Big, mean Bernie with a magic wand would be a disaster. Who knew what  —

Bernie took another two steps then sprang.

Herman did the only thing he could do. He defended himself. He swung the wand. 

Just like that Bernie was gone. Herman lowered the wand, his hand shaking. Oh dear, what had he done? What in hell had he done? He paced beside his empty garden. He better go back inside right away and get a stiff drink. That would calm his nerves a little while he decided what to do next. 

But before he could enter the house, Bernie's wife, Maude, came barreling toward him. “What have you done to my Bernie?" she screamed.

"I, uh, nothing," Herman stuttered.

"Nothing? He was standing right there and you waved that...that thing and he disappeared. I saw."

Maude, like Bernie, was a big person. And, like Bernie, she wasn't at all nice. Herman acted instinctively. He waved the wand. Poof!

No more Bernie, no more Maude – the rest of the neighborhood would probably not mind a bit. Of course Herman couldn't dare take credit for it. In fact, he could hardly believe he'd done what he'd done. And not once, but twice. "I didn't mean no harm," he muttered. "Things just happened." 

"They sure did," said a voice in his ear.

Herman jumped. Mr. Norman, the mailman, stood there. Mr. Norman was usually a very friendly guy, but his eyes didn't look so friendly at the moment. "Now, don't get me wrong, Herman. Bernie and Maude have never been nice to deal with, but the manner in which you dealt with them … black magic ... witchcraft ..." He shook his head. "Sorry, Herman, I don't see how I can't report that. Unless..." Mr. Norman grinned slyly. "Unless maybe you let me have that magical stick you're holding. Then I think I could keep my lips sealed."  

Give Mr. Norman his magic wand? Herman frowned. "I, uh, maybe I could let you borrow it once in a while. How would that do?"

Mr. Norman shook his head. "That wouldn't do. I want to own it."

Herman sighed. "And to think I thought you were a nice man!"

The mailman reached out his hand for the wand and Herman sighed again, giving the wand a quick wave as he said, "Sorry."

Unfortunately another passerby was witness to Mr. Norman's vanishing, and then there was a witness to that witness's elimination and on it went like dominoes, until the police and the reporters arrived.

Now Herman is world famous. But he keeps having to wave people into nothingness because they won't stop trying to grab the wand  — and him. And with each wave Herman cries, "I really meant no harm," while silently wishing he'd never set foot in Madame Assoud's Manor of Magic.